


You're Loved

by starbitz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, POV Seo Changbin, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26379304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbitz/pseuds/starbitz
Summary: Felix had squeezed his hand, seemingly reading his mind, and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Kudos: 66





	You're Loved

**Author's Note:**

> what's up guys! this is a rewrite and repost on this same account, so if u think you've seen this before, it's probably because u have. 
> 
> and stray kids are 8!! and as of the day this was posted, w**jin is an actual piece of shit and i no longer respect him :) 
> 
> anyway!! please enjoy. i spent a lot of time on this one.

As a kid, Changbin had always dreamed of what his true love would feel like; what it would look like. He thought of extravagance, happiness, and intimacy. He thought of spoiling someone and being spoiled, giving gifts and receiving them, and someday being able to say _our_ and _we_.

He took a liking to romance movies growing up while a lot of his friends liked watching some foreign action cartoons and movies like _Spider-man_ and _Star Wars_. Of course, he didn’t have a problem with movies like that, but he just liked seeing people happy on screen and wondering what it felt like to love someone like that.

On his first day of middle school, there was a boy who caught his eye. There wasn’t anything super special about him at first glance since he had the same dark bowl-cut that every mother seemed to give their child at that age (including himself). He had just never seen him before, and he had a really _really_ pretty smile that made his chest feel super weird whenever he saw it. He tried not to think much of it.

Changbin later learned that the boy’s name was Lee Minho. They shared a homeroom and he had just moved to this area, which was probably why he had never seen him.

One day, though, Changbin was sitting with a group of boys during lunch from his class that he considered his friends at the time, even though he didn’t feel particularly comfortable around them all the time. He was half-heartedly listening to them as they were talking about some girls from class. Changbin was distracted by Minho, who was talking to one of the girls in their class, Hana, with a smile. Seeing it made him smile slightly too.

He didn’t notice when the conversation around him slowly stopped. “Who are you staring at?” One of the boys sitting in front of him asked, turning around and trying to find who was in Changbin’s line of sight. He startled, and to his dismay, he was right about who he was staring at. Partially.

The same boy grinned wickedly. “Are you staring at Hana? Do you have a _crush_ on her, Changbin?”

Changbin’s eyes widened and he shook his head frantically. “No, I wasn’t staring at her, and I don’t like her like that.”

“You weren’t staring at Minho then, were you? Because that would be _gay_.”

Changbin blinked. Gay? What was gay about simply looking at Minho? He honestly wasn’t even exactly sure what it meant, he just knew he had heard that word a couple of times in his life and the connotation was almost never good. He shook his head again, this time a bit more timidly, while his friends chuckled around him and the attention shifted to someone else sitting at the lunch table. He was lost in his thoughts for the majority of the time they had left for lunch.

That night, at home, while his parents and sister were asleep, he snuck downstairs to the computer and typed “gay” into the search bar. He read about the word and what it meant for a little bit before closing the tab and fumbling around to clear the search history, then went back upstairs to his room where he thought some more. He didn’t sleep much that night.

He still couldn’t really bring himself to stop staring at Minho. It was even harder now that the word gay was bouncing around in his head, even though his friends thought it was a bad thing. He wasn’t gay. He told himself that over and over. That would be bad, right? His friends would say it was bad.

By the end of the month, he was able to stop himself from staring at Minho by throwing himself into his schoolwork to distract him from looking his way whenever he walked into the classroom, and from what he was feeling. He wasn’t friends with that group of people for very much longer.

Towards the end of middle school, as Changbin was preparing to go into high school, a lot of the people he met in the past couple of years were taking their entrance exams and going their separate ways. He tried not to think about Minho very much because he would see him in passing sometimes and he seemed to look even prettier than he did at the start of middle school. Minho was going to a different high school than Changbin, though. They were never really close, but it was probably better off that way.

When Changbin got to high school, he finally came to terms with the fact that what he felt for Minho in middle school was, in fact, a crush. But he still didn’t want to believe that he was gay because some of the high schoolers said that was still bad. 

But there were so many new people at his school, and he was starting to feel those feelings again for someone else, this boy with longish hair named Hyunjin. This time though, it was different. Hyunjin and Changbin were friends. Really good friends, at that. Probably closer than a normal two teenage boys usually were.

The feelings this time were a lot more overwhelming to him. Changbin found himself wanting to reach out for him sometimes when it was just the two of them at one of their houses. One time, though, he did, and Hyunjin didn’t seem uncomfortable with the intimacy because he reciprocated almost immediately. It started with them just sitting shoulder to shoulder and eventually Hyunjin reached out and held his hand while they were watching a movie, making Changbin feel over the moon.

Changbin was beginning to think that maybe being gay wasn’t such a bad thing. Hyunjin, probably one of the most important people in his life at the time, didn’t seem to have a problem with it like some of the other people at school. Another time, when Changbin was feeling brave, he went to grab Hyunjin’s hand while they were walking home from school and Hyunjin quickly pulled his hand back.

“What are you doing?” Hyunjin asked, almost whispering. Changbin didn’t know why he was talking so quiet, there wasn’t anyone around. “If people see us, they’ll think we’re gay.”

Something inside Changbin broke at that moment. Maybe it was still a bad thing after all. “You’re right, sorry,” Changbin said, his heart sinking.

After that altercation, Changbin was a bit hesitant to get too close to Hyunjin for a while, but they remained good friends through the rest of high school. There was always this weird chemistry between them, and they even kissed a few times, but whatever that was, came to halt when Hyunjin got a girlfriend. He came out to Changbin as bisexual a few weeks later. He hadn’t told anyone else and said to him that he was scared. Changbin explained that he was too and that he had realized that he was gay. It was pretty much the first time that he had said that sentence out loud. Saying that made his eyes burn. Hyunjin just smiled softly at him and gave him a long hug. “I’m proud of you,” he said.

“And I’m proud of you too,” Changbin had replied, fighting tears. He squeezed Hyunjin a little tighter.

It took a while, but Changbin learned that being gay wasn’t a bad thing at all. Society didn’t seem to like it one bit, though. He spent nearly all of his life until then walking on eggshells in public, trying to make sure that he didn’t look or act gay in a public space, even at home, in fear that he would get judged or even threatened; which he had heard happened to some people. The thought of being viewed badly, especially by his family, was terrifying.

As he came closer to accepting this part of himself, he was facing another entirely different problem: he was lonely. University entrance exams were beginning and Hyunjin was spending less and less time with him and more time with his girlfriend. He honestly didn’t have very many other people that he was comfortable hanging out with at the moment. He could try to talk to his sister, but she was studying overseas, so the time difference made it difficult.

Changbin and Hyunjin ended up going to separate universities. They stayed in touch for a little while and Changbin even went to visit him a couple times after Hyunjin and his girlfriend broke up. A little bit of what they had back in high school came back into the limelight, but every time Hyunjin kissed him with that sense of desperation, Changbin could tell he was just trying to forget about her. It didn’t make him feel good in the long run, but for the time being, he didn’t care. He had missed Hyunjin, but neither of them was the same person they were in high school. Not entirely different, but not entirely the same.

Eventually, Changbin started to get too busy with school to go see Hyunjin anymore. It hurt him a little because he felt like he was slowly letting go of one of the last things familiar and comfortable to him. Besides, Hyunjin ended up finding a nice boy at his university that Changbin liked. His name was Jisung and he and Changbin got along in the times that they had interacted while Hyunjin and Changbin would video chat with each other. Changbin was thankful they didn’t lose contact.

Changbin met a guy who was also in his first year at his university a few weeks later. He was pretty and freckled, and he had a warm aura that just made Changbin feel safe. His name was Lee Felix. After talking to him a few times, Changbin eventually found out that he was from overseas down in Australia. They hung out a lot outside of class, and eventually, Changbin started to feel those tell-tale feelings that were both foreign and familiar to him again.

Felix was very good to him, especially as a friend. Changbin could tell that he was a very trustworthy person from the way that he devoted his full attention to Changbin when he spoke. Felix remembered all the things that he liked, and the things that he didn’t. It made him feel cared for; _loved_. Even after Changbin came out to him, he still treated him the same. Changbin knew that that was how things should be, you should be accepted unconditionally by your friends, but it still came to him as a surprise. It made it harder to not like him.

In the beginning, though, they were just casual friends. Changbin had, on a whim, gone to an art exhibit on campus, made by the students. Felix was one of the artists featured in the exhibit. Changbin had stayed after to compliment him on his work. Felix had beamed at him and thanked him profusely, the smile like a shot straight to the heart. It made Changbin fear that his face was visibly red.

That first interaction somehow turned into more and at some point down the road, the line separating their friendship from something more started to blur. Changbin was a bit cautious; if Felix wanted something with him, he wanted it to work out. His relationship (or whatever it was) with Hyunjin was confusing and the two of them acted on their emotions impulsively, almost as if they were testing the waters with each other. It left Changbin a little hurt and lost, so he was ready for something real, concrete.

Felix was different. He was much more mature than any other guy Changbin had taken interest in throughout his life. He was emotionally intelligent and aware, and as overwhelming as it was, he could see right through Changbin. Felix made him feel like he had found someone that actually understood him.

So Changbin, unsurprisingly, began to gravitate towards him and the comfort that he brought into his life. Felix didn’t seem to mind his actions at all; in fact, he would always do cute things like slinging his arm over Changbin’s shoulder when they walked next to each other (which Felix had noted Changbin liked).

Changbin was the one to kiss first. Since it was an in-the-moment type of thing, Changbin had acted on impulse and ended up panicking afterward. “I’m sorry, was that okay?” he had asked as carefully as he could manage.

After Felix’s initial surprise faded, he smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, this time a lot longer than the first. He spoke when he pulled away. “Of course it was. I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Changbin didn’t know what to say, so he just smiled and kissed him again, which made Felix laugh. Throughout the rest of the night, Changbin didn’t really want to let go of Felix’s hand, fearing that if he did, he would slip away.

Felix had squeezed his hand, seemingly reading his mind, and said, “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

And so began his journey of self-acceptance. Well, his journey technically didn’t start when he met Felix; it started all the way back in middle school when Changbin came to terms with the fact that he felt more than a desire for friendship for the boy in his class. It was a road he had been walking on for a long time, and he still had a little ways to go.

Felix and Changbin didn’t establish their relationship for a while. Felix knew that Changbin was a little fearful to label what they had because he was still afraid of what his parents would think about having a gay son. Changbin had explained to him that he wanted to come out to them at some point, and soon, but every time he thought about doing it, it made his heart wrench. Felix assured him that he would tell his family when he was ready. He was in no rush to label their relationship if that was even what Changbin wanted right now.

When Changbin started to tell Hyunjin about Felix, he got really excited and said that he wanted to meet him. It struck Changbin with a little bit of nervousness, which he willed away. But Felix had already heard quite a bit about Hyunjin through Changbin in the time that they had known each other, so he was looking forward to meeting him as well. Of course, though, it would have to be through a video call. Everyone was still pretty busy. But there really wasn’t any reason for him to feel nervous.

When all parties finally had enough free time for a call, Felix sat next to Changbin in front of his laptop as the dial tone rang. Hyunjin answered quickly and introduced himself to the freckled boy politely with a smile. Unsurprisingly, he was with Jisung, who introduced himself as well. They easily plunged into a conversation and Changbin found himself watching and listening from the sidelines as Jisung and Felix got on the topic of music after Jisung told him he was a songwriter.

Changbin smiled unconsciously. He didn’t know what he had been nervous about. Hyunjin was his best friend after all, and anyone he trusted was someone that Changbin could trust. It made him happy that all of his friends got along.

While Felix and Jisung were still deep in a conversation about a song Jisung was currently writing, Changbin felt his phone vibrate against his leg. When he looked at the text notification, he furrowed his brows as Hyunjin’s name lit up on his screen. He looked up at him on his laptop screen. Hyunjin snickered and typed out another message. His phone vibrated in his hand again and he looked down to read it.

 _You look happy._ It said.

Changbin read over the words, again and again, warmth in his chest. He leaned his head on Felix’s shoulder, his eyes still on his phone screen. The latter immediately wrapped his arm around his waist without breaking his conversation with Jisung. This time, he felt himself smile. He typed out a quick message to Hyunjin before shutting his phone off and focusing on Felix’s warmth as well as the screen in front of them.

 _I am._ Changbin sent. Hyunjin read the text from his friend and shut his phone off as well, turning his attention back toward his boyfriend and the two on the other side of the screen.

The four of them ended up talking up until Hyunjin’s laptop eventually died. Hyunjin sent Changbin a quick text as an apology, but he insisted it was okay because both he and Felix had things that they had to be doing for school anyway. They spent a little more time together before Felix had to go back to his apartment.

The next day, Felix was waiting outside of his lecture hall when they were let out and Changbin smiled, jogging up to him. They began walking so that they could find somewhere to eat, a small thing that unspokenly became a little tradition of theirs.

Felix slipped his arm over Changbin’s shoulder as he usually did and Changbin turned to look at him with another smile. They talked casually about random little things that had happened throughout the day and eventually lapsed into a comfortable silence. Changbin got lost in his thoughts, which had been the case all day for him.

“Seems like you have something on your mind,” Felix said. He really could see right through Changbin.

Changbin turned to look at Felix again to find him already observing him. He chuckled. “Yeah.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Changbin looked away from him and hummed quietly before speaking up again. “I want to come out to my family soon.”

Felix was quiet, which made Changbin look back at him. He had a soft smile on his face. “Really?”

Changbin couldn’t help the small smile on his face either. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it for a little while. I’m going home this weekend, and my sister will be home too, so I was thinking about doing it before I come back.”

“I’m proud of you,” Felix said, squeezing Changbin’s shoulder a little tighter. “Did you tell Hyunjin about this yet?”

“Not yet. I wanted to tell you first.”

“Well,” Felix said as they approached the place they usually ate at. “I’ll be right here when you get back. No matter how it goes.”

Changbin smiled widely, the anxiety in the pit of his stomach dissipating at his words. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Oh please,” Felix said. “You have been nothing short of an amazing person to me and to everyone around you. You deserve everything good in this world, Changbin.”

Changbin’s heart leaped at his words. He laughed, heat flowing to his cheeks. He put his face in his hands.

“You’re loved,” Felix told him, putting a small kiss to his temple. “By so many people.”

Changbin felt like time slowed down for the rest of the week leading up to the weekend. Still, just thinking about it made him nervous and he felt like he was going through the motions to distract himself from the ways that things could go wrong. The anxiety he felt was no different from when he would think about coming out to his family in the past. He just liked to think that he was braver now. Coming out to his family was something that he had wanted to do for a while but seemed impossible until recently. Being gay wasn’t a bad thing, and no matter how his parents reacted, it wouldn’t change his mind.

When Friday evening finally came around and Changbin was waiting for his older sister to call him to let him know that she was there to pick him up, he was really jittery. He hoped that he didn’t look visibly nervous during the car ride home, because it would just be the two of them in the car.

Changbin loved his sister. They were really close growing up, even with the age gap. He was always confused in primary school why some of his friends talked badly about their sisters because his sister was great, and she always played with him. However, they gradually drifted apart when she went into high school. She wanted to go abroad to study medicine someday, so she started to spend a lot of time in libraries and in cram schools in order to get to that point. Once she graduated high school, she had already been accepted into a school in America. She was still working on her degree, but she was going to be home for her school’s winter vacation. Changbin still liked to think that the two of them were pretty close. They were both just a lot more mature now.

When his phone rang, it startled him. He quickly answered it, talking to her briefly before telling her that he would be down soon. He shouldn’t be nervous to see her, he reminded himself, he should be excited. The last time that he saw her was at his high school graduation.

He grabbed his backpack and his smaller bag full of things that he would need just for the weekend and hurried out of his room, locking the door behind him. It was cold out, so he walked quickly to where she said she had parked the car and found her leaning against the back of it, looking around for him. When she found him, she beamed, which made Changbin beam back at her.

She met him halfway and gave him a bone-crushing hug. He laughed as he embraced her. “I missed you!” she told him before letting go. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call you much recently.”

“That’s okay. I’ve been pretty busy too,” Changbin assured her. He threw his bags into the back seat. “But I’m surprised you’re driving. Aren’t you jetlagged?”

“I’m still feeling it, yeah. But I slept all day yesterday and ended up staying up all night last night to make up for it. Not my best choice,” she laughed. “What about you? How have you been?”

“A little stressed out, but other than that good,” he told her. It wasn’t really a lie. “But how’s California?”

She laughed. “Not this cold, for sure. It’s great, though. I feel like you would love it there.”

Changbin smiled. The ride from his university wasn’t super far from their house, so they spent most of the drive back talking about school and how their studies were going. It was nice. He forgot how much he missed being able to talk to her.

The time leading up to Sunday afternoon went by pretty smoothly. He was enjoying the time he got to spend with his family, finally, as the four of them, even if it was just for a little bit. He began getting more anxious around the time that he was planning to tell them and he nearly backed out of it and vowed that he would do it later. But he could do it today, the whole purpose of doing it now was that he could tell all three of them at the same time. He had worked himself up throughout the week. It was now or never, he told himself.

So, he told them. Before his sister took him back Sunday evening, he sat down with the three of them and just started talking. He had a list of things he was planning to say in his head before all of this, but in the moment, he forgot everything and decided to just tell them what came to his head.

“I don’t want you to think of me any different,” he started quietly. It felt like his heart was in his throat. He chewed on his lip; his eyes cast downward. “But I’m gay,” he continued he kept his eyes on the floor. “and I’m, uh, seeing someone.”

And he was scared. He was so, _so_ scared. He didn’t tell them that, but after he finished talking, no one said anything for what felt like an eternity. He was hyperaware of the sound of his breathing and the feeling of his heart pounding. It was as if time had actually slowed down. He fiddled with his fingers in his lap, not exactly knowing what to do with them. He wanted someone to say something, _anything_.

He looked up at each of his family members, from his sister, to his father, and to his mother. His sister almost looked like she wanted to say something, but the amount of tension that was in the air made Changbin wish the ground would open up and swallow him whole. Was this a mistake after all? Was this turning out in the exact way he was scared it would?

His mother spoke up first. The sound of her voice made him flinch and look up at her eyes. “Really? Are you sure?”

Changbin’s stomach dropped. He felt sick; like he had been punched in the gut. He swallowed thickly. “I am sure,” he said. And he was; no reaction was going to make him change his mind. He was strong. He was brave. He had Felix back at school, and that thought comforted him, albeit just a bit.

His father was quiet, so his mother continued talking. “How do you know? You probably just haven’t met the right girl yet.”

Changbin clasped his hands and squeezed. He pulled his lip between his teeth to stop it from trembling. He willed his voice not to break. “I’ve known for a long time, Mom.”

“Do you just think you’re gay because you haven’t brought a girl home?” his father said suddenly. “You’re probably just confused.”

Changbin stared at him in disbelief and despair. There were tears pooling in his eyes, so he looked down. “No, I know that I am. That I’m gay.”

“Mom, Dad,” his sister warned, finally speaking up. Changbin looked up, maybe there was still some hope for her. She looked sad. What did that mean? “Please, stop.”

There was a horribly tense silence for a few seconds before his father wordlessly got up from the couch across from Changbin and walked out of the room. His mother and sister remained there, sitting on opposite ends of the same couch. He stared back at his socked feet on the floor, attempting to wipe his eyes as discreetly as he could. Changbin tried to convince himself that this wasn’t the worst way this could’ve gone. He did it, right? That was something to be proud of.

After a few more minutes of terrible silence, his mother got up too and walked in the opposite direction than his father did. He was left with his sister and he still didn’t know how she felt about this.

He heard her get up, so he looked up to find her moving in his direction. She smiled sadly, an attempt to provide a sense of comfort. “Scoot over. Let me sit next to you.”

He silently obliged, sniffling quietly. Her arms immediately went around him, and he stiffened, startled. When she squeezed him a little tighter, after a moment, he hugged her back. “You’re still you, Changbin,” she whispered into his hair. “You always will be.”

He wrenched his eyes shut and finally let himself break down in his sister's arms. He was trembling with quiet sobs, and he knew that she could feel it, so he hugged her a little tighter. They stayed like that for a long time; as long as he needed, she told him. He couldn’t stop shaking and he really didn’t want to move because at some point he would have to face his parents again and he didn’t know if he wanted to, or if he was ready to. He couldn’t tell if that weight he had on his shoulders was gone or if something else had just replaced it.

“I’m proud of you,” his sister whispered after a few more minutes. Changbin finally moved to look up at her and he felt so, so small. She wiped under both of his eyes with her sleeves which managed to draw a very small smile from Changbin.

“Did you know?” he asked quietly, sitting back. He looked down at his hands again, fiddling with his thumbs.

She hummed quietly, thinking. “No, but I guess now that I reflect on some things, it makes a little more sense,” she said. “I’m so sorry, Changbin. I’m sorry I’ve been away and haven’t been here for you.”

“Please don’t apologize. None of this is your fault,” he responded. His heart ached. “I chose to deal with this on my own. The only person I really told was Hyunjin.”

“Well, thank you for trusting us with this. I’m sorry that Mom and Dad reacted that way,” she said. Changbin really didn’t know what to say. He would usually say that it was okay, but in this situation, it really wasn’t. It didn’t feel okay.

“Did you want to head back a little early? You can tell me about this boy on the car ride back,” his sister asked lightheartedly, trying to make Changbin feel a little better. It did make him crack a smile.

“Yeah. That sounds good,” he said.

They finally got off of the small couch, their parents still on opposite ends of the house for some reason, probably trying to process Changbin’s words, or whatever. There really shouldn’t be much to process. He left the living room and moved towards his room to grab a couple of things to shove into his bag. He passed his parents’ bedroom and caught a glimpse of his mother on her laptop at her desk as he walked by. He vaguely wondered what she was looking at. He felt like he should say goodbye since he was heading back to campus, but he also felt like he couldn’t talk to either of his parents yet. So, he didn’t.

When Changbin and his sister left their house, he felt weird. He felt like he was going to cry again and all he could think about is how he wished his parents had taken it differently. He really didn’t want anything between them to be any different. Leading up to him coming out to his family, he felt so happy being able to be with his parents and his sister again, but now he wasn’t sure if it would ever be the same. And the thought of that hurt.

His sister respected that he didn’t want to talk and didn’t push him to talk about how he was feeling or what was on his mind. A stray tear rolled down his cheek as he stared out the window. He wiped it with his sleeve and took a deep breath before turning to look at his sister. He wasn’t alone. He still had her and all of his friends.

She glanced over at him when she saw him move, smiling softly. Changbin shifted in his seat and broke the comfortable silence. “So, his name is Felix,” he began. “I met him at an art show on campus. He was one of the artists.”

“Oh, what type of art?” she asked, intrigued, her smile widening.

“He’s a painter,” Changbin said, his chest warm at the thought of him. “I complimented his piece.”

“And the rest was history,” she said dramatically, drawing a genuine laugh from Changbin. She waited until he calmed down to speak again. “Will I get to meet him?”

“If you want. I’ll probably see him later today anyway,” Changbin said, pulling out his phone to text him. He realized he hadn’t really texted him all weekend except for the short string of texts before he fell asleep last night.

“I’d love to,” she said. “Now tell me more about him.”

Changbin spent the rest of the car ride back to campus telling her stories about Felix and even talked about Hyunjin and Jisung too. She had met Hyunjin a couple of times that she was home for breaks while Changbin was going through high school, but he decided to spare her most of the details about the weird relationship the two of them had for a while. He talked about how happy he felt around his friends and how completely comfortable they made him feel in his own skin for the first time in his life. She smiled and listened to everything he said, asking questions every once and a while.

He checked his phone periodically, checking for a notification from Felix and rereading the messages he sent him. When he finally responded, he apologized for not texting back sooner and that he would love to meet his sister. Changbin told him that they were almost there.

When they pulled into the first floor of the parking garage near his dorm, he let out a deep breath that he didn’t know he was holding. He hoped she would like Felix.

They were quiet as she helped him get his bags from the trunk. Changbin texted him that they were there, and they just parked on the first floor. So, as they were walking out of the garage, he spotted Felix walking towards them. He smiled and Changbin smiled back, waving with his free hand.

“Is that him?” his sister asked. Changbin nodded. “You forgot to mention how cute he is,” he immediately flushed and shot a glare at her as Felix got closer.

Once he was close enough, he said hello to them and grabbed Changbin’s bag from his hand. He smiled at Changbin before turning to his sister to bow to the new face.

“Okay, Felix, this is my sister,” Changbin said, leaning into his side as they stood across from her.

Felix bowed again, politely, and with a smile, stuck out his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Pleasure’s mine. I’ve heard quite a bit about you too,” she smiled, a teasing lilt to her voice.

Felix looked at Changbin with an unreadable expression, but he felt like he knew what was on his mind. “I did it,” he told him. Felix’s lips parted in awe and understanding. “I was waiting to tell you until I got back.”

Felix looked at Changbin’s sister, who smiled at him, and then back to Changbin who was shaking slightly next to him from the cold and from nerves. He wrapped his arm over Changbin’s shoulder, pulling him into his side. He kissed his hair and said, “I’m proud of you.”

“I was about to tell you to make sure that you take care of him, but I can tell you already got that down,” his sister teased, a grin on her face. “He’s a softie. A hopeless romantic. I’m glad that you two found each other.”

“Oh, I can tell,” Felix said, squeezing Changbin tighter as he hid his face in his hands. “It was him who found me, really. And I’m glad that he did.”

There was a beat of silence after Felix spoke before anyone talked again. “Well,” his sister said. “I don’t want to keep you two out in the cold for too much longer, so I should probably go.”

Changbin frowned. He didn’t think she would leave so soon. “Already? You can stay a little longer.”

“I don’t want to be a bother,” she said, moving forward to wrap Changbin in a hug. Felix stepped away from them. “Plus, I’ll be home for another week and a half. Maybe I can come and visit next weekend?”

“I’d love that,” Changbin said.

“This isn’t goodbye yet. I’m still here,” she gave him one more squeeze before she let go of him. “I’ll see you two soon. It was nice to meet you, Felix.”

With a little wave and a bright smile, she turned on her heel and walked back to her car. Changbin watched her walk away until she disappeared behind a different car before beginning the trek to his room. Neither Felix nor Changbin talked until they were in Changbin’s dorm.

“Can we walk to your apartment?” Changbin asked as he fished through his pocket for his key.

“Yeah, of course,” Felix said.

They set down Changbin’s things and walked right back out of the dorm and into the cold. Felix’s apartment wasn’t too far, but Changbin started talking about the events of this weekend as soon as they were out of the building anyway. Felix listened quietly, offering small gestures of comfort whenever Changbin’s voice cracked.

“Do you feel better now that you were able to tell them?” Felix asked, opening the door to his apartment for Changbin. “You took a huge step that took a lot of courage.”

“Honestly, not as good as I pictured I’d feel,” Changbin said, biting his lip to keep himself from choking up again. He kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his coat at the door. “One of the only things that I didn’t really want to happen, though, was for things to be different with them. And I really don’t think things are going to be the same as they were. That scares me.

“The first thing that my sister said to me after I came out was that _I’m still me._ And she’s right, I am. But my parents never talked about gay people when I was growing up and I assumed that was because they didn’t want me to know what it meant,” Changbin flopped onto Felix’s bed, tears pricking his eyes again. He had done way too much crying today. He was exhausted. “Since they thought about it in a bad way, they probably see me completely different now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to face them without noticing that something is different between us.”

Changbin fell silent, covering his eyes with his hoodie sleeve. He felt the bed dip as Felix laid down beside him. “You’re allowed to give yourself as much space as you need before you see them again. I’m sorry that you have to go through this.”

“Guess we can’t have everything go our way, huh?” Changbin said, moving his arm so he could see Felix and laughing despite the ache in his chest. A few more stray tears fell, so Felix wiped under his eyes, just as his sister had done only a couple of hours before. Changbin took a second to gather himself before he spoke again. “I don’t regret coming out, though.”

“That’s good,” Felix smiled. “I’m so proud of you.”

They laid there in comfortable silence for a little while, both of them shifting so that they were closer to each other. Changbin caught himself when he was starting to doze off. He was exhausted. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course,” Felix said quietly. “You can stay here as often as you want.”

*

Changbin called Hyunjin the next day after his last class to tell him about this past weekend. They both ended up shedding tears over the phone and Hyunjin eventually told him that he had been thinking about coming out to his parents soon too. Changbin talked about his sister and how she was coming to campus over the weekend before she headed back to America. He told Hyunjin that he was welcome to come up, and to bring Jisung as well, since Hyunjin hadn’t seen her in a long time. He promised that they would be there.

When his sister came up that weekend, he had so much fun introducing her to all of his friends. They went out to lunch and she told them about the horrors of medical school and how insane it was in California. She told them that when they get the chance, they absolutely have to fly out to California someday. Changbin felt so loved and content for the first time in a while in those moments, surrounded by the most important people in his life. He was going to miss her when she went back.

When he had to say bye to her before she left at the end of the weekend, it seemed to be a lot harder than it had been in the past. She reminded him that she would be back before he knew it and left with a promise to call him whenever she had the chance.

Changbin asked Felix to be his boyfriend a few days later. It was out of the blue, so it caught him off guard, but he beamed and said yes.

Felix was the first to say, “I love you.” It happened the week before 2nd semester ended and Changbin inevitably moved back home for the summer. Changbin had come over so that they could both take a break from studying and they were just talking about anything and everything over their takeout dinner. They had been talking for hours; until their food was far too cold for it to taste good anymore. Changbin was in the middle of speaking when Felix just blurted his proclamation. It immediately made him stop in his tracks, and stare at him in surprise.

“What?” Changbin said, his voice small. He looked like he could believe his ears.

“I love you, Changbin,” Felix said again. He had not a single doubt in his mind that he was in love with Changbin.

Changbin paused for a second before he smiled at him. “I love you too, Felix.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope that u found some comfort in this


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